The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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