well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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