Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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