I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
