Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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