I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mom said you looked used
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drake has all the answers
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
