So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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