U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
