This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
