Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
