Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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