Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize