HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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