ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
