I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
