she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
