so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
