I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
