its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
