wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
