I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
