And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
