And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
