This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
