Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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