So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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