it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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