I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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