it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
