ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
