in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
