walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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