You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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