I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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