bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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