This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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