I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
birth control should be required to get into college
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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