I'm jealous of your bromance
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
