I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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