My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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