I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
