so let's talk penis.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
