and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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