im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
