My hand turned me down
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i think i just lost a toe
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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