When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
