That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
