either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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