mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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