we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
