apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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