I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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