i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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