it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
