Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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