My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
