I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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