Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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