You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
