If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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