$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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