if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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